Ranting I can't do anywhere else

Entry of sorts in the life of Leaena:

 I'm gonna cut in line more or less. Actually just more. These are just thoughts, mostly things that upset me. Read on at your own risk. Feedback appreciated of course, fellow Pack members. Or non-Packites if you don't find such things creepy. 

First things first. And the most bizarre to me. Within the past six months, I can think of four guys at least who have tried to ask me out. Some more than once. What. The. Heck. Out of morbid curiosity, is that as weird to you as it is to me...? Does it even happen to any of you? I suppose I'm just asking those who actually know me. Just so it's out in the open, Kiwi and I isn't gonna happen and really I don't feel like talking about it because it led to two or three incredibly dark and painful months that I don't particularly care to relive.  

Moving on for now... Church and Jesus. Here's something I can't talk to many friends about. I switched churches recently and so I've switched youth groups. No problem, right? I mean I'm not entirely antisocial. BUT. I've been going to this church for a few months now and I still feel like a visitor. Like I've gotta go talk to people all over again like its the first time instead of thr fifth. That's a little better now because of the Summer camp I just got back from. I made a few friends. Then again, that leads into my next topic. Those friends, or at least two of them (they're one of those group deals so it's mostly all or nothing. That sounds so awful...) aren't necessarily the best. Lots of stuff I don't agree with. That's probably why I didn't find what I was looking for. Typically camps are good experiences with that "church camp high" right? Not this time. I feel like I was told a whole lot of stuff that was good but I'm not excited. I'm not energized. Not... Hm. Well you get the point. I think that's due to the friends but three of them, actually four of seven, aren't bad. It's the other three. There's a lot of drama between three of the girls and they tend to play either Truth Or Dare or Dare Or Fire which is pretty much just "dare you choose to do or dare you have to do". 

The church teaching itself is okay. It's not in depth discipleship at all and it's on Sunday nights which means all church stuff is on Sundays and Thursdays in a completely unrelated Bible Study. The rest of the week is empty. Not really their fault I suppose. It feels to me that most people who come do so only for their friends rather than for Christ. That annoys me too. Siiiiigh. I mean, at least they're there but still... 

I know there was something else but it's past midnight and I'm tired. Oh. But... One important thing first. Story time: name changed because you know this person. 

There was an absolutely beautiful girl that I met a while back. No kidding, she's so pretty and stunningly amazing it's insane. Kid makes me jealous on a regular basis. Christian girl, of course, in a way that I admire a lot. Call her Bella. She started looking up stuff about cutting. Told me about it, how it was for research. For the motivation behind it as a way to help people. Sure, not a bad thing, right? Not inherently bad anyway. Makes for some interesting conversations to say the least. Fast forward a few weeks. I ask Bella what she's writing. She says something like "it's something about me kinda". Later that day, she hands me a piece of paper and asks what I think of it. This is fairly soon after. She says "I hope you don't mind but I used you as the friend..." I'm fine with that so I read on. As if I wouldn't read it anyway. The writing is only about a page and a half long. It's this girl thinking to herself about how hashes been cutting almost every day now and how she should tell her friend. It's this whole internal thought battle thing. I don't know if this was the same paper as earlier. But I know I'm worried about my little girl now. My Bella. And I cant help but question if she's wondering whether or not I know while I wonder whether or not she's told me. Pray for her. Please. If anything happens to her I'm going to be devastated beyond all measure. I love this kid. 

Speaking of which (didn't you know I'd keep going), I found out something last week on my camp trip. I have a tendency to redirect my anger. Like I'm pulling the trigger at someone and it's not gonna be someone else. These three kids in my new group, the three which I'm least attached to (mostly just by association), messed with two of the three kids I care about. Pause. I care about Casey (girl), John, and Jake. I'm neutral about Nathan. Back and forth about Kayla. Don't particularly like Vicky or Corbin. All of those names were changed...

By "messing with them" I mean Vicky and Corbin pulled a super inappropriate prank on Casey that probably would have ticked me off anyway. They'd already hurt two other kids the day before, two middle schoolers. One of which I cared about specifically. So I was already slightly upset with Vicky, Corbin, and Kayla. And then after the prank I got dangerously mad. Like wanting to go beat up at least Corbin. Furious and violent and mostly out of control. Couldn't look at him or Vicky without a renewed rush of adrenaline and anger. So, rather than being confrontational and/or physical, I paced around in the forest. I haven't gotten that mad in a long, long time. Instead of hitting people, I started hitting trees I passed with the side of my arm. I was wearing a jacket but needless to say, trees are hard. And barky. And rough. Jake and John weren't in on the prank. John followed me while I walked. Told me to stop hitting the trees and calm down. I said no, that whether it would be okay or not it wasnt and I was not going to calm down. He said something to the effect of "hit me then, just stop hitting the trees". That slowed me down a bit. I wasn't gonna hit him. Casey and Jake were standing kinda nearby so we walked over there. Jake asked if I was mad. He'd been pretty ticked off too- really loyal to his friends. Also a martial artist who spent quite a bit of time that afternoon kicking apart half cut trees. Anyway, I said yeah and then he told me to hit him. Again, wasn't going to. Later theyd gone inside for dinner. Casey and I were skipping because neither of us were very hungry and didn't want to face any of the three that started this. We sat on thi playground with those little pebble things. So I spent time throwing larger rocks and hitting the smaller ones. The whole point of this being that when I get mad, rather than aggression I have this weird fear/anger mix where I retreat into myself and would rather release my fury on myself than on another person. Maybe not a surprise to you guys but I know that if this becomes a problem it could get super dangerous. As it is, I'm laying here two (actually three) days later and my arm still hurts when I press on it. I didnt hit/scrape enough to draw blood that time but I've got some decent scratches. In my defense (kinda) its better than it was. I think one part of my arm was swollen a littile before and thats gone down. And it hurts less. But that's something I need help with. And lots of prayer for. How would you guys feel about meeting up once a week...? Well I can send out an email to you Packians later. For anyone who isn't in this group, welcome once more into my scattered mind. And your prayers are just as welcome. :)

Leaena signing  out for the night. 

Tiger

  You all know who I am, so I won't say it twice.
   For those of you who weren't informed, I'm really lucky.
   I come from a pretty big family, and despite being a generally ornery person, God dropped me into the middle of some great friends and pseudo-families. Now I'm a social bedouin, wandering from family to family and picking night crawlers out of my beard. Me loves you all.
   Believe it or not, I used to hate people. Crazy, huh? Actually, I used to hate pretty much everything. Depression does that. I guess that's a story for another day.
   Fast-forward a few ugly, self-absorbed years. After whiling away a long, frustrating span tipping between cancerous hatred and emotional anesthesia, I realized I loved to write.
   I've always had a passion for story, and it didn't take long for me to barf up a three-hundred page opus that will never again see the light of day. Cruising on the childish illusion that I'd birthed the grandest tapestry of literature to grace our planet, I cranked out more words. And more. And more.

   This was probably a good thing, because it was with that wind at my back that I learned--and I didn't just learn about writing. I discovered things about myself, things about the people around me, and things about God--stuff that I'd forgotten or never even noticed in the midst of my pity party. Writing taught me how to communicate again. And as I pulled out of my personal hades and started to rebuild with the help of my families, I looked down from my new point of view and saw that I'd been given way more than I deserve in some really weird ways.
   Yeah, okay. That's enough introspection for one day.
   Point is, as a newly-minted highschool senior, I can definitely sense myself being pushed along by a "Divine Wind", if you will. Cue the magical wiggly fingers.
   Today, I'm ready to give back to God with the talents and passions He's lit up under my skin. I love to write and sketch, and being familliar with a few Christian circles in the writing market, I hope to become at least a part-time novellist and freelance illustrator.  I currently write YA and the occasional article, and I'm hoping to dip my toe into the mainstream jungle. We'll see how that goes.
In the meantime, here's me. There's you. Glad we could all make it.
   The short version? I like juice and bright colors, and the seven-layer chocolate pie that Leaena's dad makes. I like having my mind blown by things I barely understand, like metaphysics, movies like The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, and that show How It's Made. (Oh, How It's Made... you are a cinema. I could watch you forever.) I'm a sucker for boy-and-his-dog stories, but only if the dog is sort of lost and powerful, but also kind of gentle and scared, like Cooper from Super 8 and the Giant from The Iron Giant. I also tend to like doctors from pretty much anything (Star Trek, Master and Commander, Treasure Planet). Not sure why.
   That's about all you need to know. Probably all you want to know, too. Next time I post I'll probably have a better story to tell. Or maybe by that time something cool will have crashed into my house, like a busload of senior citizens or a space shuttle. In the meantime, enjoy my friends. Most of them are funnier than me, but remember that I'm the cute one.

Margay

Hey guys Margay here. So I am a Christian, love kids, and love learning and reading. The only reason I don't love school is because of the people at school in my classes and the hallway. A lot of them have not learned that "modest is hottest" as a lot of christians say. So I don't want to go into ranting on my first post but the pack knows that I will later on. Anyways I have been volunteering with less fortunate, low-income kids for the past three years. Again that will be talked about more in later posts. What else to say? Hmm I don't really know so I will recommend a song or two. First is Hello My Name Is by Matthew West and second is Whom Shall I Fear (the God of angel armies) by Chris Tomlin. I have nothing else to say except remember you are worth more than gold.

About Life in the Pack: Meet Fisher

Hello, fellow Pack pals! (￣^￣)ゞ

Alright. Looks like I've got the second post.
I'm Fisher. Third youngest/fourth oldest in the Pack--however you want to view it. There's six of us. As Leaena wrote in her previous post, we all have been assigned different animals based on our unique characters and/or specific interrest in that certain animal. To be honest, I found it kinda ridiculous at the start, but it's grown on me these past five years. So. What did I get assigned? A kingfisher. Why? Heck, I don't know. But I've learned to like the bird. Oddly enough, my first ever word was "bird", not that they knew this before they picked the creature out for me. However, you guys haven't told me what type of kingfisher I supposedly am. I believe you guys aimed for the water kingfisher, but even then there are still nine different types in that field. Since I didn't have a say on my animal, may I at least have a say as to what type of kingfisher I want to be?

Female Belted Kingfisher

The belted kingfisher is a favorite of mine. They're a nice shade of blue-grey and the spiky feathers on its head looks like my hair once I pull it up after a shower. The females have a brown belt under their blue one. The males don't have brown. So in this case, the females have more color. But it's not like the eastern kingfisher (location: Africa/Asia/Australia) where the colors are glorious and so dang beautiful. I like how the belted kingfisher doesn't stand out much, but it's still stylish in its own way.
Behavior: Belted Kingfishers spend much of their time perched alone along the edges of streams, lakes, and estuaries, searching for small fish. They also fly quickly up and down rivers and shorelines giving loud rattling calls. They hunt either by plunging directly from a perch, or by hovering over the water, bill downward, before diving after a fish they’ve spotted.

Perching--you guys may or may not be aware, but I do watch you guys, maybe somewhat reservedly, just to see how you are individually progressing in life. But especially now since we are all scattered at difference schools. (And no, I'm not stalking any of you. Not my thing. Maybe Leaena's, though.) Life is tough, I know. And it's even tougher once there is separation from those you care about. I'll occasionally check up on you all when I feel I should. But if there's something you feel should be adressed, I'm always willing to help you guys tackle any problems you face. In a way, I've made it my responsibility to make sure we all stay together. And strong. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I'm aware of the importance of keeping in touch, so I'm glad we've made this blog.

About Fisher

Well, hm. For the record, I'm not bragging, okay? Just listing some things.

Alright, here I go.

Like Leaena and the others, I, too, am a Christian. I am proud to boast about that. My hobbies consist of composing my own songs, usually digital. I'll be using professional software soon thanks to the generous funding of friends and family. I enjoy spending hours playing my instruments: violin, piano, guitar, and dizi (bamboo flute). I also make movies for fun, create stories (fiction), and draw manga art known as "shonen"--although I'm versatile with styles, I can draw realistic-like anime, too, if I try. Generally, the shonen manga style stays true to real-life body proportions anyway. My YouTube channel, quacksapup, will mainly revolve around these hobbies, but it's technically a music channel. I hope one day to have a profession that allows me to use my talents to make God known to those who do not know Him. I'd love to be the lighthouse that guides the lost to shore.

I've got a forward way of thinking--as in, I'll anticipate situations a lot. Kingfishers watch and wait before acting. I like that about them because I'm not one to just jump into things before acting. Plus they got some sweet, dead-on accuracy. Don't know if that has anything to do with reflexes, but I've got good reflexes up my sleeves. Like that matters. Anyway. I'm quite an organized being; those who know me would be nodding right now. But I'm not a neat-freak, my desk is evidence. It's got this one section that is covered with my gum wrapper notes... Don't judge. I might be a little bit of a pack rat at heart--I mean, I have been ever since the beginning. I still have a plastic candy cane full of Runts candy that is almost ten years old now. It's a good thing that sugar doesn't spoil. I ate one not-too-long-ago, and they're still as good as I remember. Yum.

Physically, this girl isn't an olympian. But I'm healthy-fit by definition and charts. I've always been competitive, naturally. I was a good runner. Won awards for "Fastest Girl" back in elementary. The reason I use past tense is not just because that was back in elementary, but because I can no longer run as fast and as long as I used to. I have a genetic problem known as knock-knees. (The opposite of bow-legged.) No worries, mine isn't severe. But it's there. It causes some pretty bad pain in my knees if I get running hard. The only cure is through surgery which has a 50% chance of success. The other 50% is I use a wheel chair or leg braces for the rest of my life. And there's NO way I'm going to risk. Besides, I've never been a fan of being cut into. So since that incident, I haven't been as competitive--at least in sports, haha. But that experience really took a toll on my overall competitive thinking. It's still there in traces, just not like before while I was doing sports.

I'm totally an insomniac. One example right now is that it's 5:23 AM. And no, I'm not just staying awake so that I can write this. Once my brain is wired, I have little to no hope of sleep. Noises inside/outside my room are some of the culprits. Another reason would have to be my overactive imagination and all the thoughts that run through my head at night from what happened during the day or in my past. One time I went three middle-school days with roughly four-five hours of sleep total. Not kidding. Dunno how I managed to stay... alive. I remember nearly conking out in my English class on the third day, though. Funny thought, people can survive three days without food. I can survive three days without sleep. But food? Not so much.

This is my first blog post, so I hope I didn't bore any of you. I wanted to make it brief, but oh lookie. Not brief. Sorry about that, but if you read it all, cheers to you. I hope to hear from the rest of the Pack.

-Fisher

About Life in the Pack: Meet Leaena

So this is life in the pack. Since no one else is writing and I'm pretending I have nothing to do, here I am. Leaena. The Lioness. I can't think of much else to write about so I'll explain the Pack, I suppose, for anyone who happens to stumble upon this. We're a group of friends who once went to school together. Each of us were "assigned" an animal based off of our characters and occasionally with imput from physical features. Or obsessions with certain animals. There was certainly that too. Anyway, this is our way of providing life updates to each other. 

So, I'm Leaena. That's Latin, in case anyone's curious. And... How do I describe myself...? Well, I'm a Christian first of all. Beyond that, I'm a writer, poet, general thinker/ponderer, student, artist, and (extremely) amateur musician. I try to teach myself guitar and piano off of YouTube videos. I have two other blogs: ltpoethearts.blogspot.com and lifeaslt.blogspot.com. And a youtube channel under the name Regis Fideles. Also Latin, meaning Loyal of/to the King. I absolutely LOVE BBC's show Sherlock. I'm waist deep in different studies. Aside from school there's some minor calculus, parts of theoretical and astrophysics, biology (in a very vague sense), toxicology, spots of quantum mechanics, psychology, sociology, pathology, and whatever else I decide interest me along the way. On the slightly less nerdy side I've got Bible studies, art (mostly sketching),  reading, and quite a few projects in the realm of writing. Particularly fantasy and poetry. 

I don't know what else to say really. I'm tomboy-ish but not in the stereotypical meaning of the word, I think. I am a warrior. That, I know. I see the fight, even if it's only in my head, and rush to it. Not usually physical fights, granted, but spiritual, verbal, emotional, whatever. I tend to act (or just start planning action) before I actually think it through. Most of the time I'll charge forward and end up circling back to try rallying the troops to fall in behind me. All in all, I must admit I'm a rather odd one. The youngest of the Pack too, a chance would have it. But all this rambling said, I have one last thing to say...

Welcome to Life in the Pack.